Jay Ford is swamped with work today and I’ve graciously agreed to take his place.

McDonnell Announces $311 Million Budget Surplus

Really though; what is a surplus? We’ve got $311 million more than we expected at the end of the last fiscal year (June 30th), but that comes after McDonnell deferred paying $620 million to the Virginia Retirement System in 2010 when he first took office. McDonnell also began issuance of $4 billion in bonds to fund transportation, something you might say negates the surplus, and had previously used Federal Stimulus Money, something he has argued against, to fill in other holes in the budget. This balance sheet magic is not uncommon and in fact if you look at the current Federal budget, is constantly saving us from complete financial Armageddon.

On the next episode of Arrested Development Gob makes Virginia's budget deficit disappear.

You see, unlike real life businesses, governments don’t have to follow generally accepted accounting principles. They can just print money, legislatively defer payments, or force contractors and other government agencies to accept IOU’s (like California). Most importantly of all, they can borrow from funds like the VRS or the Social Security Trust Fund. Were there to be an honest accounting of the Federal Governments finances, we would be bankrupt overnight. Most entitlement programs are Ponzi schemes that make Bernie Madoff look like an amateur.

Virginia’s finances are far better off, but the picture coming out of Richmond is still far from accurate. Without countless hours of research and a degree in finance, you may never fully understand it, but one thing is certain: McDonnell’s PR Team is as good as it gets.

VA’s Senators Continue to Fight Carrier Move to Mayport

This is probably the only issue in Virginia that everyone on both sides is united behind. No one wants Norfolk to lose an aircraft carrier, let alone two, as is likely to happen. Virginia Senator’s Mark Warner and Jim Webb have introduced an amendment to a 2012 Defense Spending Bill that would block $30 million from being spent upgrading port facilities and roads at Naval Station Mayport, Florida. A similar measure has already passed the House of Representatives.

If moving a ship was easy as this that would be a horse of a different color.

The best argument against not moving the carriers, aside from the 10,000 or so jobs Hampton Roads would lose, is that the ships would become maintenance disasters if they were based so far away from their industrial base. Repairing an aircraft carrier isn’t like fixing a car; there is really only one place in the world it can be done and that is right here in the Norfolk-Newport News area. That means every time something serious breaks or the ship needs an overhaul, the crew–and in many cases, their families–will have to be relocated back here to Norfolk at an enormous financial and emotional cost. Not only that, but the fighter wings would still be based here in Hampton Roads, unless Florida wants those too, which doesn’t appear to be the case. We’ve got much more important things to be spending our money on, like the Navy’s massive ship repair backlog. Speaking of which…

The USS San Antonio Has Another Setback

They say bad things come in three’s, but in this case it was four, as in all four of the ship’s engines breaking down. The whole history of this endeavor is riddled with problems ranging from the contractor missing their original delivery date and being $400 million over budget to a near collision with another vessel in the Suez Canal after a system failure. Ton for ton its the most expensive amphibious ship ever built and it certainly has not provided much bang for the buck. Don’t worry though, Admiral John Harvey, head of US Fleet Forces Command, says, “these additional maintenance issues on San Antonio are not as significant as those in the past.” That’s good to know $2 billion and 15 years after the construction contract was first awarded.

Girlfriend Tells Boyfriend To “Man Up” and Shoot Her…So He Does…

Moving from good to know to should have known better, we have this bizarre story about a man who killed his girlfriend after she told him to do so. I really can’t do this story any more justice than the Pilot reporter, so I’m just going to let you read the article yourself.

Postmaster Says Saturday Delivery Will Soon Be Thing of the Past

No Saturday delivery? Wait a minute!

Thanks in large part to mandated pre-payment of employee health benefits, the post office will be losing $8.3 billion this year. To fill the gap Saturday delivery is one of things on the chopping block. It’s estimated the move would save $3.1 billion per year, but last time the Post Office floated the idea, Congress mandated a 6 day delivery. To most people such a change wouldn’t even register on their radar, but Montana Senator John Tester is opposing the move, citing the importance of Saturday delivery to those in rural areas. “It’s important to have delivery on Saturday in places like Montana to get things like medicine and things they need,” Tester said.

Did US Firm Bribe Its Way to Oil Contract?

Is the grass green? Is the sky blue? Was there any ever doubt? How many more obvious questions can I come up with? Basically what happened was a wealthy oil man bribed Jordanian intelligence to ensure safe passage for oil shipments. Now there is a lawsuit, a media circus, and more embarrassment for the United States.

US Charges Two With Illegally Lobbying for Pakistan

It’s not exactly espionage, but it isn’t all kittens and puppy dogs either. Though the paid were full US citizens, they were taking millions from Pakistani intelligence in exchange for lobbying the US government. Doing such things legally is simple: you just declare you’re an agent of a foreign government. Of special note to AltDaily readers is that one of these fine individuals lived in Fairfax.

Only Germany Can Save the European Monetary Union

Based on how the everyday German feels about this, the EU is screwed. People in America don’t like paying for other people’s debts, so just imagine if you were told we had to pay for Europe’s… oh that’s right, you already were. Thanks to the Federal Reserve buying up billions in assets from foreign banks, the American taxpayer has already effectively bailed out everyone from Greece to Libya. Big players in international finance are already talking about the possible end of the Euro, and have suggested throwing Athens to the wolves as one of the only ways to save it. If you like financial Armageddon stories, read through this article and do a little more digging. Then stock up on can goods and precious metals.