Virginia Beach named top 10 most dangerous beach in the world because of wild foxes and we can't even

Written by Jesse Scaccia on .

"When you think about beaches, you think about relaxation. Yet you can not completely relax in Virginia at Virginia Beach." - Zoover World
 
Because of the jet noise? Because life is too f'ing stressful without cursing? Because it's bro mating season and no one is safe?
 
No. The foxes. Oh dear God, the foxes. 610 ag red-foximage | pbs.org
The article explains: "With wild foxes around you aren’t able to relax completely. Always make sure you do not fall asleep on the beach."
 
Okay, so there are wild foxes in Virginia Beach. Attacks were reported in 2010. They even bit a man in the foot once. But apparently The Farmer's Almanac is predicting that come Summer of 2014--which is, as the article points out, approaching--it's about to go fox wild up around here.
 
foxxypic | VB Critter ControlInsane, blood thirsty, America-hating, juggalo foxes might be the least of our worries. This Fox News article talks about the "hairy, snorting hogs" of Virginia Beach "tearing up sensitive beach lands with their tusks." Yikes! The City of Virginia Beach's website warns of a number of wild animals to be afraid of, including "otter, snakes, seals, bats, deer, opossum, raccoons and other wildlife, including a rare black bear."
 
Foxes, and bros and bears, oh my!
 
This Pilot article tells us that we are starting to see more foxes in the daylight. And then Virginia Beach Critter Control warns us that, "It is uncommon for foxes to enter homes, HOWEVER..." (Emphasis added, maybe.) 
 
So basically we're screwed. We should all resign ourselves to death by fox at the Oceanfront this summer. Personally I am going to spend tonight working on the mercy speech I'm going to give my new fox overlord as he tears into my apartment, demanding fielty to the skulk, or death. Thank you, Zoover World. You might have just saved all our lives.
Jesse Scaccia
About Jesse Scaccia
Editor-in-Chief, AltDaily
Jesse is the editor in chief of AltDaily. He has many biases and local involvements. They include being the chair of the public art committee and board member for the Norfolk Arts District; being a Public Art Commissioner for the City of Norfolk; former employee of TFC Recycling; graduate of ODU, where he taught writing; advocate for gay rights, animals rights, women's rights; member of Re:Vision Norfolk and Bike Norfolk; he believes that the mall is a sin and that without locally-owned businesses a city isn't worth a damn. He ran for City Council, lost, and then was nominated for School Board but that didn't happen either due, in part, to an absurd poem scandal (really!). He is a vegetarian and a yogi. He believes that marijuana should be legalized and would prefer that all hand guns be replaced with squirt guns but tyranny is also the worst, so he's not picking that battle. He's a former public school teacher in NYC and TV producer for BET. Email him: jesse at altdaily.com.

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