Steve Almond

Steve Almond is the author of the story collections, My Life in Heavy Metal, and The Evil B.B. Chow, the novel, Which Brings Me to You (with Julianna Baggott), and two nonfiction books, Candyfreak, and (Not That You Asked). After reading at ODU’s annual Literary Festival in 2008, he is returning for an encore performance and promises to bring the funk.

In both your fiction and nonfiction, the original and dominating voice is a standout feature. Was this honest, uncensored persona always a feature of your work or the result of a process of development?

SA: “Dominating voice” sounds kinky. I think you’re asking me if I “strap one on” when I write. Is that it? Or am I only imagining things again. Wait. Dude, are you coming on to me? This early in the interview? That is so fucking H-O-T.

Your resignation in protest from Boston College brought a flood of (mostly unwanted) attention.  Do you find yourself defined by this controversy?  How does a writer resist the media’s (and perhaps the publisher’s) urge to typecast?

Okay, I dodged your last question. So I want to clear that up. I spent many years writing in the way I thought a “serious young writer” should. I did so because I was worried that no one would take me seriously unless I was Marcel Proust. But I wasn’t Marcel Proust. I was a young idiot with bad hair. So I just stopped trying to do anything but tell the truth about the shit that matters to me. That’s worked out a lot better, though I still kind of suck as a writer in many ways.

As to the BC controversy, let me just say that Sean Hannity has a really tiny penis, about the size of an acorn, but that it’s totally wrong to hold that against him.

Are you generally satisfied with your readers’ interpretations of your work, or do we mistake your humor for a lack of sincerity?

The world is such a complete mess at this point. As a species we’ve done so many things wrong, and with so little cost to our conscience, that humor is more or less the only way to survive. That and music. As for my readers, I’m just happy they haven’t been deported yet.

Have you read anything good recently?

Hell yes I have. The Adderall Diaries by Stephen Elliott. Completely crazy and un-put-downable. Same goes for The Dart League King by Keith Lee Morris. I want to make sweet love to both those books.

Your scholarship of Kurt Vonnegut brought you to an illuminating conclusion: the writing life is a continuous hustle. How do you balance your desire to raise a family and live like a normal human with the stresses of maintaining your hustle?

I don’t live like a normal human being; I live like Tony Montana in Scarface. As for my kids – I’ve got two at this point, but I wouldn’t put it past my wife to have had another since this interview started – they are very small and required food almost constantly. But the thing about kids is this: they just don’t give a shit about anything other than themselves. They’re like Republicans in that way. You really can’t negotiate with them. You just have to write at night and buy a LOT of Lotto tickets.

You have published some invaluable tips on how to write good sex scenes, but on a more basic level, what is the first piece of advice you offer to a class full of would-be writers?

Abandon hope all ye who enter here? Wait, that can’t be right. Oh wait a sec, here it is: I wanna rock and roll all night and party every day.

On the subject of teaching, the media constantly reminds us of how stupid American kids are. The New York Times recently reported that a child drops out of high school every 26 seconds and that it will take Bill and Melinda Gates to save the education system. You, on the other hand, have written adoringly of your students. What keeps you from descending into educational cynicism?

I do adore my students. Why? It’s not just because they have to listen to me (though that would certainly be reason enough to adore them). It’s because they have to pretend to want to be listening to me. Those are some hardworking pedants. And as long as we have hardworking pedants, this country is safe from foreign invasion. Unless Bill and Melinda Gates decide to hire an army to destroy us, one Mac user at a time. That would suck. As for cynicism, there’s no profit in that racket. You always wind up hosting a cable show for people who still use the word “nigger” in private.

You have your finger on the pulse of the American psyche. In your most recent book, you include a fascinating essay equating America’s obsession with “necro-investigative shows” like CSI with survivor guilt. Has the recent outcry over “indecencies” like Joe Wilson’s chiding of president Obama, Kanye West’s award show antics (and the president’s response to them), and the sexual escapades of Congressmen suggested a national subtext to you, or are there just too many hot mics around?

Again: “hot mic.” It’s starting to feel very sexual around here again. But maybe that’s just the subtext talking.

This is related, in part, to the previous question. In (Not that You Asked), you wrote, “if we insisted on adult leaders, we would all have to grow the fuck up.” Washington DC has changed since the publication of that book. Do we now have an adult leader, and more importantly, do we have the capacity to grow up?

I certainly don’t. As for the rest of the country, I’d say a lot of that is up to you digits in the fourth estate. If the most respected sources of “news” in this country continue to foment ignorant rage and then cover ignorant rage like it was the only story available to them, then no, I don’t think we’ll grow up. It would help if Obama grew a pair. Or at least strapped a pair on. But I guess those rumors about him being related to Abraham Lincoln are bogus.

Given your love of Kurt Vonnegut and your exposition of certain Bush administration officials as liars and war-mongers, I hope I don’t assume too much in calling you a pacifist. Do you think this ideal has any traction in an era where, as you have pointed out, we’ve perfected the art of deluding ourselves?

I’d go further than “pacifist.” I’m what’s known, technically, as a “chickenshit.” It’s a proud tradition, but one that’s hard to talk about openly in a country so macho we keep invading countries, like, 200 times punier than we are. So I’ll just say this: human beings will continue to kill each other, and other human beings will mourn those deaths and still other human beings will, I suspect, want to punch me in the face for pointing this out.

World Series picks?

I like the Oakland A’s in six.

Steve Almond will be reading tonight (Friday) @ 7:30 in Chandler Recital Hall.