Happy new law day everyone!

Every July 1^st hundreds of newly passed laws go into effect in Virginia. Most of us spend the night before tossing and turning with excitement at the prospect of gaining and losing various degrees of freedoms, but a very few of us are still unaware how different things are today in the commonwealth. What good is a law if you don’t know about it? No good at all I say. So Ladies and Gentlemen without further delay I give you the new laws most likely to affect you.

You won't have to wait so long you think about living at the stop light anymore. (Pic | Nexus Images)

-        Bicycles, Mopeds, and Motorcycles can run red lights… but only after sitting at the light for two red light cycles or 120 seconds, whichever is shorter. I can think of few things more frustrating than a red light that won’t go your way because your vehicle can’t trip the switch. It’s like being punished for driving a responsibly sized vehicle, and unfortunately this law is not extended to people with incredibly light vehicles. You will still sit at lights for multiple cycles, without ever getting a green, worried about the cop you are sure is lurking around the corner should you run the red.

-        Chinese Drywall must be disclosed! In the continuing fallout from the Chinese people’s most effective attack on US citizens to date… Virginia law now requires landlords and real estate agents to tell you if they know there is Chinese drywall in your building. Tenants may end their lease if they are not told within 60 days of any Chinese drywall discovered. If you do not end your lease you hate America and must actually enjoy mild respiratory agitation.

-        Bring Your Own Wine with you. Restaurants now have the option of allowing customers to bring their own wine (Ten Top this law was made for you).The restaurants may charge you some nominal “corkage” fee. Without the fee I could see absolutely no restaurants who currently serve alcohol adopting this.

Not feeding your farm animal is baaaaaaaahd. (Pic | George Gastin)

-        Feed your Farm Animals- If you don’t take care of your animals on your farm you will face penalties. I cannot believe it took us till 2011 to get this one on the books. Either way, farmers be on notice: you now have to feed your animals.

-        Car title loans. Lawmakers rolled back a restriction on out-of-state car owners getting car title loans. Pretty much anything to do with this business is dirty and I have no doubt that this is a boon to the bottom line of the predatory loan industry of Virginia. Stay away from these places folks.

-        The government wants to put a chip in your head man…GPS tracking of citizens. People out on secured bond, probation, and suspended sentences may now legally be tracked via GPS. As any conspiracy theorist worth his salt will tell you this is the first step towards The End, and if they decide to track you just have to stand in a microwave for a couple seconds to fry the chip, man. Marking people in a track-able fashion has also been linked by some evangelicals to the Rapture, which for now is still on hold…we think.

-        Spice (fake weed) is now officially illegal- This is actually a good thing all you drug decriminalization folks out there. Spice has been linked to all kinds of awful things in people like severe agitation, seizures, loss of consciousness, elevated heart rate, vomiting, pale skin, respiratory distress and even death. You would think that these possible side effects would be enough to keep people away… but then again you would be wrong.

-        Dead People Count too! Absentee votes cast by people who die before the actual Election Day will now count. I’ve yet to come up with a way to corrupt this reasonable measure yet, but some of our nation’s top political minds are undoubtedly on it.

-        Last but certainly not least, License Plates! Everyone loves a new license plate to use to make snap judgments about the drivers of the vehicles around us on the road. This year we added, “Don’t Tread on Me” and “In God we Trust”; both of which being slogans I would have bet money we already had on license plates. Virginians can also now get a plate celebrating the 200^th anniversary of the War of 1812, which makes me happy as this is a war we really don’t pay enough attention to. I think it’s because they burned down Washington D.C. and we don’t like to go back to that place.

Want to learn more about Virginia’s codes? Have fun with this.