Part 1

You watching the inauguration alone? Well, now you can pretend you watched it with me. My running diary:

11:37 It’s not enough that Cheney is in a wheelchair… but why that weird, drooling lean to the right? Just because you’re in a wheelchair doesn’t mean you can relax all body muscles, buddy.

11:38Nice purple scarf/yellow shirt/Russian hat ensemble, Bush Senior. I’m pretty sure that’s the same outfit Prince dresses his kids in when they go on ski trips.

11:40 Obama is in the tunnel… he looks like a wax figure right now.  And why is he walking alone? This feels like the beginning of one of those bad President-gets-shot-but-he-was-really-just-a-cyborg-movies. I’M JUST SAYING.

11:43 Here comes Obama… And everyone is waving at him. Hi! Hi Obama, Hi!

11:44 They just flashed Al Gore. He looked like the Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer.

11:45 I think this “Dianne Feinestein” sat next to me on the bus yesterday. Nice old lady. She offered me a Lorna Doone. I took it… but it was kinda soggy, so I pretend ate it and hid it in my pocket.

11: 47 This woman has the same first name as my mom. I hope she doesn’t mess up Obama’s sense of masculinity like my mom did mine.

11:48 Rick Warren!… Oh man, was that some golf clapping or what?I think I just heard someone by the Washington Monument open a can of Sprite.

“Everything we see and everything we can’t see comes from you alone,” this guy says, I think of God. Way to make us agnostics feel like we’re part of our country, Rick Warren! Good looking out.

11:49 According to Wikipedia, “Warren spoke out against evolution and in favor of creationism.” Shouldn’t this kind of thing take away just enough credibility that he shouldn’t be allowed to speak in front of a zillion people?

11:52 The Lord’s prayer? Really? Now you’re not just excluding agnostics and atheists, but Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, etc. etc. etc. WTF. I know how very special Jesus is (escpecially in baby form), but why not keep all this creator/protector/eternal life stuff a bit more open ended? Makes me want to holla. Somebody give me some Aretha Franklin, and QUICK!

11:53 Sometimes older black women lose all fashion sense when it comes to hats. We were all thinking it. I just said it.

11:55 Aretha is singing and there is video of the Grand Canyon. I feel free as shit.

11:56 Our capital is pretty.

11:57 There’s Old Man Biden. Always squinting, that Biden. He looks like he has so much hair from the front… but when you get to the back, he’s got a bald spot you could land a helicopter on.

11:58 Biden almost just forgot what the guy said one second ago. One second. Should we be worried?

11:59 Yo-Yo Ma in the Presidential Inauguration House!!! Arf! Arf!

Rolling with the Yo-Yo Ma Pound, feel the breeze.

Part 2 to come shortly…