Mira Dearest,

I am a 25 year old guy living in Virginia Beach. I have a college degree, a good job, a lot of good friends and a good sense of humor. My friends like hanging around me and my boss recently gave me a promotion at my yearly review. I have always had a large group of female friends, but here’s where I have a problem. None of them seem to ever want to date me. I’m a bigger guy and could be considered overweight. Admittedly, I haven’t had the healthiest of eating or drinking habits, and I recognize I need to work on it, but I don’t get why my being overweight seems to have prevented me from scoring a date with any available women around me. Are women just shallow and superficial when it comes to dating men? Are they only looking for the hottest guy in the room? What gives? I feel like I’ve got a lot going for me, but no one seems to be into me.

Thanks for your help,

Hungry Man

Dearest Hungry Man,

We aren't only after shallow waters.

Wow. I just flashed to an image of some hairy, bald dude in a bathrobe, scratching his ass while heating up microwaveable pot roast and mashers. Great name.

On to the truth: Hungry Man, I bet you’re a stunning person, I really do, but I need you to cut the crap and wipe that woe is me chip off your shoulder. Really, it’s pretty shallow and superficial of you to assume, even questioningly, that the sum of all women aren’t dating you just because you’re a little hefty in the haunches. Your question is honest and that’s fair, but it’s basically missing the point.

I just want to throw out the idea that you may be the one judging yourself and feeling bad about yourself for being overweight. You might, in fact, be the one who’s holding you back from sealing the proverbial deal with one of those badass Bettys who surround you. You say you think you’ve got it going on, and to look at it on paper, you honestly do. If your gal pals aren’t pouncing on you, it’s probably got more to do with your attitude and your self esteem and less to do with the size of your ass. (Just sayin.)

Do you feel sexy, sexual and appealing or even attractive to other women? Because if you do, if you really, cross your heart can promise me that you do, then maybe it is your growing gut that’s holding you back, but I ain’t buyin’ it. People, women in particular, are attracted to confidence and personal power. Women, we love a man who is self-assured and strong. If a man can hold us and hear us and make us feel safe and secure well, cliché as that may be, we’re usually at least a little bit interested. This attraction game comes down to your being self-assured and comfortable in your own skin and in your own body.

Cheer up, Charlie. You got it goin' on!

Additionally, you say you haven’t had the healthiest of eating/drinking habits and I’m curious to know why? Part of having self-respect and healthy self-esteem is respecting our bodies, taking care of them, celebrating them and loving them-even if they’re not “perfect.” Consider whether or not you want to get busy with a gal who doesn’t brush her teeth and subsists entirely on beer and Cracker Jacks? Sound sexy? I’ll go ahead and answer that for you: Negatory, my compadre. You’re worth every bit of what you want and so is your body. Stop using bad habits as an excuse to keep yourself out of the game.

In all honesty, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with having a little extra meat on the bones and there are gobs of women out there cruising on the stockier lot of you. Attraction is not superficial and it sure as hell ain’t shallow. In fact, it’s complicated as hell, but it’s not an unconquerable nut to crack.

It comes down to this: You’ve got to stop making excuses for yourself and own up to being the stone fox that you are. Take care of yourself and accept your body as it is. I’m going to get Stuart Smalley on you and give you permission to feel good about yourself and believe yourself to be both attractive and lovable.

Put down the microwavable meatballs and get your ass out there and show those babies that you’re all man.

Make it happen,

Mira Dearest.

Got a question for Mira Dearest? Email Mira@AltDaily.com.