What’s the hang up with all this Christmas crap going down before Thanksgiving?

Man, we ain’t even ate the turkey yet and we’re already gettin’ smacked in the head with all kinds of Christmas reefs and holiday decorations! As long as we’re skipping past holidays like they don’t even matter, why don’t we just jump right over to New Year’s Eve, so that I can start gettin’ drunk enough to forget about all this Christmas jazz and get on with it!

Kids obviously need more crap or else their souls will starve.

It’s like suppliers can’t wait to start charging our asses! And consumers can’t wait to start charging their credit cards with a whole bunch of useless crap that’s probably gonna be worthless by next Christmas, after they come out with X-Box five and shit!

Snot-nosed little bastards’ll be whining all kinds of crap about,“what’d you get me?!, what’d you get me?!” I mean, how can a kid be so little, and at the same time, posses such a bottomless appetite for material things?

“What’d you get for Christmas?”

“What’d you get for Christmas?”

That’s gonna be the question that’s falling out of every bodies faces by Christmas night. Well I got a question for y’all, how about “What’d you GIVE for Christmas?” What did you give? Ain’t that supposed to be the concept? What the hell happened man! When did the arrival of Jesus Christ get turned into a grab-bag of commercialism! Just a bunch of greedy corporations trying to make it to the black, but what about the humanity?

Santa needs to get on his goat and get out of here.

Good will towards man, yeah right! Good will be just about the only thing that man won’t be getting for Christmas this year. Nobody wants it because it don’t got no monetary value! Ain’t gonna be seeing no one lined up outside of Wal-Mart for that! Tis the season to get a black eye trying to snatch a Nintendo DS from out of the clutches of some disillusioned, economically crazed consumer!

Those who have should give to those who have not, and somehow this concept has been completely bastardized, and turned into some big-ass nation wide game of hungry, hungry hippos, with a bunch of greedy consumers trying to shove as many marbles as they can into their fat, fucking cake holes!

HELLO!!

There are people starving to death on the same planet as us, and we’re beating each other up over forty percent off laptops!

HELLO!!

There are people, right here on the same planet as us, who are fighting, and dying, and killing each other, in the middle of pointless and barbaric wars that they themselves don’t even understand! And we’re too busy shoving trees into our living rooms for us to give a shit!

Santa's like, "Give me that Baby Jesus. I'm outtie 5000."

There are people man, on the same planet as us, that are freezing to death because they can’t afford enough electricity to keep warm throughout the coldest season of the year, and we gotta drape our houses in lights, with big-ass electronic portraits of Rudolf the reindeer on our rooftops, flashing on and off like some kind of a neon sign that advertises ridiculous excessiveness and greed!

Man, if  Santa Clause was real, he’d be puking like a hung over sailor! Disgusted about the fact that all them kids that he’s been busting his ass over have turned into a bunch of spoiled little fully-grown babies. He’d be fed the hell up! And he’d probably grab himself, Rudolf, Baby Jesus, and the Easter bunny, shove’em all into the trunk of his sled, and fly the hell away from here! Somewhere else! Where they’d be appreciated! Where the humanity has not been beaten to death by the economy. And you can shove that up your stocking when you’re wishing me a Merry Christmas,

Merry Christmas my ass!!

END.