Coming to Getcha (Maybe)

My name is Earl and I’m the big news in the Pilot today, as my kind (hurricanes, natural disasters, legitimate and non-paranoia in general) sell papers better than escaped madmen on baby snatching sprees. I might kill you all. I might not. Ocracoke Island’s evacuating this morning just in case and Governor McDonnell is declaring Virginia a state of emergency later today in preparation. The Norfolk destroyer Cole is returning today, two days ahead of schedule, because it doesn’t trust me anymore than you guys really trust your weatherpeople. Good luck to you all. Whatever I decide to do, remember it’s always good to be prepared.

Speaking of Weather

Longtime WAVY Weatherman John Cash (yes, he was lucky enough to be named John Cash) is no longer a talking head. No one is commenting on why. He probably knew the truth about Earl and threatened to share it with us all instead of drag it out for dramatic effect. And he’s probably safe in Tennessee by this point, laughing at his new TV set (powered by electricity) as we all swelter through Labor Day weekend because we didn’t know the hurricane was real.

Evacuation Info and the Narrow Minded

The Daily Press has a great blog called Street Smart. It says VDOT and the Virginia Department of Emergency Management estimate it could take up to 15 hours to get from here to the I-295 interchange in the event of an evacuation.

The Virginian Pilot has a not-so-great writer named Kerry Dougherty, whom BC commented on yesterday. Her article is now online. In it, she calls our traffic issues “anemic.” What she insinuates is we all are making mountains out of molehills when it comes to the congestion of our highways in Hampton Roads and we should all be more like her, as she thinks driving everywhere, environment be damned, “beats riding buses–or trains–any day.” I wonder what she’d do in 15 hours of traffic. BC already did a great job in denouncing her claims, as well as highlighting how giving someone like her a pulpit in an area like ours is detrimental to progress.

Variety is the spice of life. | pic: inhabitat.com

Dougherty’s not looking for progress. She’s lazy, and admits so in the article by saying things like “every time I load the trunk of my car with bags at the mall I offer up a silent prayer of thanksgiving to the benevolent gods of suburbia who have given me such an easy life.” She also has terribly preconceived notions about what living in the city actually means.

The sentence that really grabbed me went like this: “Until you’ve actually schlepped your groceries home on a city bus, parked four blocks from your apartment or had your pocket picked on your way to work, don’t lecture me about the evils of sprawl and the delights of urban living.”

Allow me to break down some of these statements. I’ve lived in London and New York. I now live in Norfolk (and have a car), but try to bike/walk as much as possible and cannot wait for light rail and high speed rail to come to town. There are more qualified people than I to combat her claims, but today being Wednesday and all, I happily accept the ability to retort.

Point 1: Groceries. Know what’s great about grocery shopping in the city? You generally only buy as much as you can carry (one or two bags). These bags are often reusable or multi-functional (like a backpack). You don’t purchase a 30-pack of chicken breasts because you’re saving 25 cents and then let a quarter of them get freezer burn. You purchase two, fresh, chicken breasts, often from a farm near the outskirts of the city, and go home to eat it that night. You waste less. You get more exercise and variety. It’s four o’clock and you don’t feel like chicken tonight? No problem. You haven’t been to the store yet, as you don’t bulk buy for two weeks out and then order Papa John’s anyway…you walk to the local pizza joint, say hi to Sal, who knows you don’t like green peppers and remembers the name of your dog.

Point 2: Parking four blocks away from one’s apartment. This is also great. It means you get to understand what things like fresh air, neighborhood businesses, and calf muscles are all about. You can find alternate routes home, which lets you compare things like bodegas (this is urbanspeak for 7-11), dry cleaners, and coffee shops. If you have children, it also shows them what it’s like to “look both ways before you cross the street” a lesson America began phasing out around the same time as Nintendo’s invention (Frogger, unfortunately, does not count). If your children ever actually have to, gasp, visit the evil city (“evil” being your sarcasm first, Kerry, I’m just borrowing), they won’t get run over by those awful buses. By the way, I rarely had to park four blocks away; two was almost always attainable.

Point 3: Being pick-pocketed on the way to work. It happens. In fact, between August 19 and August 27, in just a tiny section of Virginia Beach, it happened four times. It never happened to me, though. It never happened to anyone I knew, either. In fact, the only people I know who’ve ever been held up lived in Virginia Beach and a Northern Virginia sprawling suburb. I don’t mean to say the city doesn’t have pickpockets, but I very clearly mean to show they are not absent from suburbia. It’s also incredibly unfair of you to tell a readership as large as the Pilot’s that cities equate crime. The human condition equates crime. One of the biggest gang busts to come out of Hampton Roads in the last year took place in Burbage Grant in Northern Suffolk. Crime is down in Norfolk.

Afr’Am? Afr’Ain’t.

The organizers of the annual Afr’am Festival, the Southeastern Virginia Arts Association, filed for dissolution as an organization on August 11. They explain the main reason for their debt stems from having been forced to change their traditional Memorial Day weekend date. The dwindling attendance coupled with the losing end of a lawsuit resulting with them owing $43,000 in back pay to their security patrol, eventually led to the region’s largest African-American festival’s demise.

This whole thing saddens me. I wish there was a way to keep this going, as there are tinges of racism underneath the entire downfall. Its proceeds go towards art and cultural programs in poor neighborhoods—something desperately needed in our community, as it promotes thinking outside of the box and tolerance and embracing of others. It cuts down on losers like Pilot commenter RCL15, who, in a wave of acceptance for his fellow man, said, “Glad to see them go. Sorry Section 8!” and “HAHA.”

Don’t get me wrong, as I’m not defending an organization that doesn’t pay its staff. I’m just not convinced this is entirely SEVAA’s fault, as it wasn’t their idea to move the uber-successful Memorial Day date, which drew over 300,000 people to Harbor Park in 2008, many of whom then spilled out to the streets of downtown to spend more money. Because, sorry RCL15 and others like you, not all black people are Section 8. In fact, most have more intelligence on the tip of their pinkie nail than could ever fit into your overinflated skull. I hope Afr’am comes back, hope it is saved by another great, charitable organization. And I hope RCL15 and others sharing in his ignorance show up because they thought it was Harborfest (read: safe).

You and Your Giant Voice

This is just an FYI. The Norfolk Naval base will be doing a test of its “giant voice system’ today around noon. I imagine an enormous megaphone the size of the USS Wisconsin hanging by a crane over the Elizabeth River. Some man in blue casually steps up to the small end and yells “Screw You, Earl!” Children on their recesses cheer. People stuck in midtown tunnel traffic honk (in a good way for a change).

If you had a giant voice system (not the same thing as a drunk voice system, by the way), what would you have it say? I would most likely stick with the subtle, yet direct, “I’m Batman.”

FBI Joins Investigation Into Rogue CSB Employee

The Norfolk Community Services Board employee who was reportedly paid salary for 12 years without showing up to work has a name (Jill McGlone) and a house, which she and her husband purchased in 2000 (ie: less than 12 years ago). Neither the current nor former Executive Director of the CSB have any idea how this occurred. Now the FBI is getting involved, as it seems highly unlikely no one beyond McGlone was involved. Twelve years…think about that. It’s your entire pre-college education. Kindergarten through senior year. She got a salary for no work that entire time and no one noticed. I’m glad the FBI’s coming to the scene on this one, as it screams of insider assistance..

History of World War II as Told Through Facebook

This is hilarious. I love, love, love it.

You SPIN Me Right Round

Friday evening, SPIN Night returns to Ghent (Earl be damned). I heard a rumor there was an anti-SPIN group out there in our midst. I’m not upset about this. Street performing is too important, too organic, and too freakin’ fun to let some haters bring me down. So, I’m sharing a few recent articles on busking in other cities, where the struggle to educate the performers and law enforcement is similar to our situation. This is to cheer us all upward and onward as we make Norfolk the best it can possibly be.

Roanoke, VA: After initial miscommunication with the police, the city and buskers are now in business together.

Knoxville, TN: After a busker is erroneously arrested, the community rallies to have charges dropped, including an attorney working for free.

Vancouver, BC:  Local businesses created a Friday night event for buskers (even letting them plug in), which resulted in a summer-long repeat invite.