Today is October 11, Columbus Day!

A quick tip of the old-fashioned-puffy-Italian-explorer hat to you, Daily Press, for your Columbus-themed banner on your website today. Unfortunately, today’s government and bank holiday means I will be unable to go take care of my wife’s overdue car registration, or get a cashier’s cheque made and mail it to the Virginia Tea Party Patriots. One bright spot on the list of today’s closures, all ABC stores will open on time at 10 am.

Preach it.

Tea Partiers Bail, Bark and Sniff Each Others’ Asses in Richmond

Our fair editor, Jesse, asked me to write this morning’s Paper because he was tuckered out from attending the Virginia Tea Party Patriots rally in Richmond over the weekend, billed by supporters as the largest gathering of its kind. As a former exchange student, completely immersed in an alternate reality and forced to engage with people in a foreign language, I can tell you firsthand how exhausting this weekend must’ve been for Jesse and his compatriots. Welcome back to sanity, and I look forward to a full feature as soon as he’s recovered.

I really want to be clear about my position on the Tea Party movement: I myself am a political moderate, generally tending toward values of social freedoms and fiscal restraint. Though social issues most frequently drive my vote, I base my personal positions on specific issues and not hypothetical, worst-case scenarios.  As a pragmatist and an optimist, my vote can be up for grabs by any politician or party who will make the effort to articulate clear positions and engage in meaningful discourse. It’s this last part where my path diverges so radically from the Tea Party’s.

And so I side with Rolling Stone writer Matt Taibbi on the Tea Party when he says the mostly old, white people driving its momentum “really don’t pay attention to specifics too much. Like dogs, they listen to tone of voice and emotional attitude.” (To make sure I’m fanning the flames equally, click here for a clip from this past week’s 30 Rock, wherein Queen Latifah’s Congresswoman Bookman character uses the same tactics to sway colleagues to her perspective.)

Taibbi’s article in the October 15 issue was so smart, stinging and all-round right-on that even though the full text is available online, I strongly recommend going to B&N, cozying up and savoring the complete, delicious article in print. I want everyone to read it, the whole thing, especially people who identify themselves with the Tea Party.  They deserve to know what the sharpest minds are saying behind their backs, things like:

It would be inaccurate to say the Tea Partiers are racists. What they are, in truth, are narcissists. They’re completely blind to how offensive the very nature of their rhetoric is to the rest of the country. … It’s not like the Tea Partiers hate black people. It’s just that they’re shockingly willing to believe the appalling horseshit fantasy about how white people in the age of Obama are some kind of oppressed minority. That may not be racism, but it is incredibly, earth-shatteringly stupid.

True, true.

But do not misunderestimate this cackle of idiots, on two counts: first, every one of us has a right to vote and this is a right that Tea Partiers – to their enormous credit – take very seriously. Second, this rag-tag, “we don’t have a leader” movement is actually quite well-backed, specifically by GOP insiders and the same moneyed interests lurking behind every other nefarious plot.

Tomorrow is the last day to REGISTER TO VOTE.

If you’re the kind of lazy and uncommitted progressive who would *never* join the Tea Party – a college student, perhaps? – I strongly encourage you to follow this link and register to vote. (Keep in mind you will probably have to do this tomorrow, because most city offices are closed today.) If you belong to the Tea Party, you are most assuredly already registered and are chomping at the bit to go down to your local elementary school and show Nancy Pelosi who’s boss.

ODU students displaced after dorm fire Sunday afternoon

I have it on good authority the student who started this fire at 2:30 pm Sunday was not asleep, as ODU spokeswoman Jennifer Mullen claims. He was playing Halo Reach.

It’s about width, not length, in Currituck County

If you’ve never gone four-wheeling on the beaches above Corolla, NC, you’re missing an OBX vacation staple. Each beach mansion is bigger and more audacious than the last (is that giant yellow slide still there?), but Currituck County is finally questioning the size of residential developments now that a 13,461 square foot, 23 bedroom “house” has joined the neighborhood.

The basic bone of contention is that this goliath is not a “house,” but in fact an “inn” and should be treated as a business, not a residence. (The owners have quite successfully booked The Wild Horse solid through November.) I very much understand that this is not actually a residence. My question for dissenters is: other than scale, how is this really any different from the scores of other, smaller, beach houses?

I can see your house from here.

Nine new historic landmarks across Virginia

Congratulations to Downtown Hampton and Southampton County!  Did you know that Hampton (founded 1610) predates both the founding of Norfolk (1682) and the incorporation of Virginia Beach (1952)?

Suffolk split over Four Farms development

If you decide to call your 462-acre residential and commercial project “Four Farms,” it’s bound to catch some grief.

Golden opportunity for those looking to turn jewelry into cash

This is an actual headline from today’s Pilot, and the story is the lead business article. Slow news day, much? Since your bank is closed for Columbus Day, I guess it’s time to take Mom’s velvet box down to Greenbrier Pawn.

Google is testing robot cars that navigate without a human touch

As CEO Eric Schmidt put it during a recent conference, “It’s a bug that cars were invented before computers.” Google, you so crazy. Go make me a ham and turkey robot.

She's pretty yar.

Hawaiian superferries sell at auction for $25m each

I suppose this was a bit out of my price range, but the twin superferries – tied up at Lambert’s Point – sold at auction for a fraction of their value to the U.S. Maritime Administration. I’d like to know more about this story… and mostly, I’d like to take an Hawaiian superferry out onto the Chesapeake to see what one of these babies can do. Just for the day, guys. I’ll bring it back with a full tank, promise.

Local groups bring wind turbine models to the Oceanfront

Camelot! Camelot! Camelot! It’s only a model. Shhhh!

I flew cross-country a couple weeks ago and it astounded me to see the number of wind turbines – real ones – as I peered down at the checkerboard of Midwestern farms below. It’s nice to see local groups working to help Hampton Roads get our own.

Record high temps today

But wasn’t the weather yesterday afternoon gorgeous, stretched out on the sidewalks of Colley Avenue for the Chalking of Ghent? Stay cool today, everybody, and look forward to seeing pictures of yesterday’s event up on AltDaily in the near future.

How to People-Watch Without Being Creepy

The opportunities for people-watching can be one of the best things about an urban environment – just ask the folks who put out all those deck chairs in Times Square. Sometimes, though, light voyeurism comes off as creepy to others, and that’s not cool.  Here are a few tips to improve your game.

Please Enjoy,

Addy