A Real Review of a Fake Review of Hampton Roads
Words Tim Simmons
Tuesday, October 26th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
Every year, the Virginian-Pilot does a “Best Of” for each of the Hampton Roads’ cities.
I know this is a bit of a scam, as the businesses that make the ballot are the ones that buy the advertising. “The ones that are listed are pretty much advertising, that’s correct,” said a Pilot representative we talked to.
"Reader's Choice" my butt.
According to a page on the Pilot‘s website titled The Virginian-Pilot Advertising: Strategic Opportunities under “Best Of” Ballots, it says, “Whether your business is a local restaurant, a day spa, or something in between, the way to make your business known is to be voted the “Best Of” your city. … By advertising in this section, you receive a free “Vote for Us” promotional poster, your name automatically listed on the ballot…”
It’s rare that a local place makes this list as a write in. Still, the list is important to a lot of people, at least on the surface. As a region of transient residents (military and tourists), this list can be the lead for a person unfamiliar with the area to go out and try some new places, maybe experience a little Hampton Roads flavor.
The list saddens me because it is consistently filled with chain restaurants and other cookie cutter places you can find in any city in the US. Oh sure, there are a few good local staples like Frankie’s Place, Freemason Abbey and The Bier Garden that make it every year, but for every Captain George’s there is a McDonald’s, if you get my drift.
Now I’m not talking about some of the nuttier categories – I mean, best Orthodontist? Best Siding Company? Come on. It’s not like someone says “Yeah, I’ve tried about 16 window replacement companies, but wow, those guys at Window World just blew me away! Talk about double hung!”
Recently, they “pitted” the places from all the cities and compiled a best of the best list – the cream of the Hampton Roads retail crop. This list didn’t make me sad. It made me ANGRY. I’ve been pouring over the list all week, appalled and embarrassed.
Freemason Abbey in all its splendor.
They need to be promoting places that actually convey some local culture, or at least are local places to hang out, shop, or eat that you’d recommend to a friend or take a date… Not just the places that pay to be on the ballot. A place where you’d take a visitor, and when they got back to Wichita or Saginaw or wherever they’d tell friends about this incredible little place in Virginia where they finally found out what all the fuss is about Carolina barbecue. We have places like that and should support, nay, PIMP them!
All that said, this is my list of the 10 biggest travesties on Sunday’s “Best of the Best Winners 2010″:
10. Best Fine Jewelry (Silver) Kay Jewelers – First off, Kay Jeweler’s ? fine jewelry. Regardless, this cheesy, mall-centric chain is coast-to-coast pitching low quality rocks with easy 24.99% financing (true – look it up) to anyone who saunters by sipping an Orange Julius.
9. Best Breakfast (Bronze) IHOP – Look, I like IHOP. I do. But come on…I like it for what it IS – a place with plastic booth seats and sticky, plastic menus serving gimmicky pancake dishes and weak tepid coffee.
8. Best Chicken AND Best Fried Chicken (Bronze & Bronze) Farm Fresh – SERIOUSLY? As a southern state, saying this dried out grocery store deep fried pigeon is good should be viewed as SACRILEGE.
7. Best Art Gallery (Silver) Michael’s – Since when is an arts and crafts store an art gallery? For the record, The Chrysler Museum of Art–one of the crown jewels of all of Hampton Roads–didn’t even make the list.
6. Best Italian Restaurant (Silver) Olive Garden – The best Olive Garden in the nation can’t sweep the crumbs off Mannino’s tablecloth. Did I mention Mannino’s didn’t make the list?
5. Best Burger (Gold) Five Guys Burger and Fries – Overpriced backyard wannabe burgers PRESSED on a McDonald’s style electric grill? Maybe voters were delirious from the 12 pounds of fries they ply you with or the free peanuts…
Real Italian food from Mannino's: Shrimp and salmon diavlo. Mangia!
4. Best Furniture Store (Silver) Value City Furniture – Stay classy, Hampton Roads.
3. Best Pizza Buffet (Gold) Cici’s – Low grade kiddie pizza gets gold. No mention of Cogan’s? F you, Pilot.
2. Best Local’s Hangout (Gold) Hooters – OK, THIS one torqued me. Of all the very cool places in these seven cities, a cheesy wing-and-beer chain who’s main claim to fame is scantily clad waitresses? PLEASE. Hooters isn’t a bad place, really, and I’m all about wings, beer and, well, hooters, but to make it the best locals’ hangout is an insult to the cool places in this region and to locals in general. People from The Boot to The Greene Leafe should be holding owls hostage in protest.
1. Best Pizza (Gold) Ynot – This one gets me every time. Ynot wins this category year in and year out. I have no idea why. The pizza is dismal, the service is generally sub-par, and the beverage selection is paltry at best, all served in a chic Burger King style atmosphere. There are SO many better pizza places it’s not even worth listing them. WHY WHY WHY do people like Ynot? WHAT AM I MISSING??? (Nothing. It sucks.)
(Dis)Honorable mention: Best Buffet (Silver) Golden Corral – They make it all, and make it all poorly. Didn’t make my list as I rarely do buffets any more. Very few buffets have ever really impressed me.
Speaking of impressing me….next year, let’s do this for real. Vote for the places you genuinely like. Write in. This isn’t a national election, where you either choose the lesser of two evils or write in Paul Riddick’s name for President as a joke. Impress me even more – reply with the places YOU think should have won!
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ABOUT THE WRITER
Tim Simmons is a Modern Whig who is dedicated to all things craft beer. A Virginia Beach resident for nearly 20 years, he was born and raised in the suburbs of Philadelphia, which explains why he is a rabid Philadelphia Flyers, Phillies and Eagles fan. If seen with a beer in hand, please approach jovially, introduce yourself and your first beer is on Tim (his choice, of course)!
Other posts by Tim Simmons.
Other posts by Tim Simmons.
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Love this op-ed piece, but wholeheartedly disagree about Farm Fresh’s fried chicken. That sh*t is banging, chain store or not!!!
When I first saw the title of this article I thought it would be a laundry list of whiny Ghent-style complaining. You didn’t disappoint on that front, but what terrifies me is that I find myself agreeing with you. Dear God, they actually let Golden Corral and Hooters on the list? The Hooters in Waterside is dead, just like the rest of the mall. Local’s hangout? My arse.
We can certainly do better. There is culture in this area, and there is local flavor. Even a dive bar infested with Navy is more representative of these cities than goddam Hooters.
Yeah, there are some real head-scratchers on the list, but so much negativity. Like — Five Guys burgers are good. They’re not bad just because they’re a chain. It started as an independent place and they capitalized on their success. Do we begrudge them that? Calm down.
I agree with you. I’m a transient, college student, and I know of or see all sorts of hidden places when I drive around and know nothing about them. I’ve peeked in some and have loved what I found, I love sharing these places with my best friend when he visits, but sometimes I’m wracking my brain for something cool. This list would not be it.
I’m not so sure their results are all that inaccurate. I mean, who even reads the Pilot anymore now that AltDaily tells us everything we need to know?
But seriously, those things are a travesty. I voted once years ago when I didn’t realized how lame it was and wrote in just about each category. When the results came out, I was flabbergasted. Hooters? IHOP? Olive garden? No, no, no, no, no, no, no…
I guess what would be helpful to me is to understand what criteria is used to win these awards. Perhaps a follow up story can be conducted and the process used for deciding the winners can be shared. If the point is that chain stores are not unique to Tidewater should not be considered “best”, regardless of how well they are operated, how popular they are in our market, and how few complaints they have as well as the flip side, how many satisfied customers they have – then how can the “best” be determined. Most of the businesses are service oriented and the people providing the service are locals, correct? Should they not be recognized for their good work? However, if the whole “Best Of” award process run by the Pilot is simply a “pay to win” sham, then that is wrong too. Unless more specifics are known about the process used to choose the winners, it is difficult to make an informed opinion on this matter.
Why doesn’t Alt Daily do their own poll. I am sure real business would love to have an award that they are not expecting.
Local Norfolk business would run away with the awards.
My votes would go something like this:
Coffee: Borjo
Mexican: La Herradura
Seafood: AW Shucks
Pizza: Cogans
Bar: Taphouse
Karoke: Cruisers(sp)
Burger: 5 guys
Ice cream: Norfolk Ice Cream Co.
I thought it was mostly based on the votes, so blame the voters? I dig Five Guys. When DNC sent out a survey asking what new businesses I’d like to see in downtown the only thing I could come up with is Chik-Fil-A and Five Guys. Hate chains as you may, the one thing you can expect is consistency. My recent trek to Jewish Mother, I picked the chicken special. It was bland, and $16 before taxes/tip. Yikes. Boot trips are random as to how slow the service is. Jack Quinns is fine for dinner, but the last lunch I had there the burger was practically raw after a really long wait. I always feel sorry with the guy begging for business out front, I know Katsias was asking $600,000 to rent the place not sure what they got it for. It’s pretty easy to find flaws in the small guys, the chains generally have their process down.
Here is a funny Best of Hampton Roads blog post, which I presume is fake, but the comments are pretty funny and maybe telling as well:
http://tidewaterlog.blogspot.com/2010/03/buyor-beware.html
“Stay classy, Hampton Roads.” LOL! Good stuff!
I used to pay attention to the sign on the business fronts.. until I realized it wasn’t genuine and every store pretty much gets one. The value was lost as soon as a read the actual list. It became a gimmick and was no longer authentic or even thought about. I’m not the least bit surprised businesses paid to be on the ballot.
I always thought it was a way for Pilot to get free advertising on the front of businesses all over Hampton Roads. Shrug. I never based opinions on it, I base them on recommendations of friends. And comment boxes on websites don’t count as I know that the restaurants give each other bad reviews, and would imagine they shill rate theirs positive.
What’s made this “contest” even more of a scam this year than ever before was the addition of the “Text to Vote” feature. If you PAID for an ad in the Pilot, you would get a text code. But if you weren’t ponying up for the advertising fees, no text code. That pretty much assured that a real “best kept secret” wouldn’t get any awards. It sure would be nice to see a real contest for LOCAL businesses.
That being said – Reid makes a good point, saying that the chains are staffed by employees who are “locals”. But may I remind you that the ownership of the chain store is remote – and they don’t give a hoot for their local employees or their patrons. Case in point, the highly popular chain restaurant “Silver Diner” in Chesapeake’s Greenbrier area just closed. This restaurant was always hopping and served great food, with a really unique and varied menu that included non-conventional options. Such a shame. But to the out-of-state owner of a chain, it’s dollars and cents on a spreadsheet. For the owner of a local joint, its about your family, your employees, your patrons – it’s your life. I know, I own a struggling LOCAL restaurant.
Wow! The writer of this article is a very bitter man! While I can agree with you some things, putting five guys and Y-not pizza on this list is ignorant! Sounds like a personal problem he has with theese places.