Comments on: A Father’s Rights or Lack There Of

By: Alfredo Torres

Alfredo Torres — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 14:27:57 +0000

You make some interesting points. I understand why the decision making falls to the woman, I just dont think its fair. But life isnt fair so thats that. Somehow I feel that the men who want these children and are having them takin away is depriving them of the joy that is fatherhood.

One thing that I do have to say is that i you are going to state that the decision falls on the woman as to weither she wants the to terminate the pregnancy, then we have to call it what it is. It is the taking of a life, weither she wants to believe that or not. The father morns the death of his child when this happens. If he has no say in the loss of his child, then that woman should have to pay for the man’s pain and suffering in the form of some kind of counciling. I think that is only fair. You have to allow some kind of fairness to exist because otherwise what is there for the man? Nothing but losing a child you want and paying for a child that you dont want.

As far as the monetary aspect, if the woman can’t afford a child and the man wants no part, put the child up for adoption. If the mother can’t afford her child on her own, that makes her and unfit mother. The welfare of the child would be better served if the child was adopted. While this sounds crule, does it sound any worse than what is happening to the men? You put the men in positions where they can’t support themselves because of the cost of the child that they didnt want in the first place. When you end up having a woman making decent money while the man gives almost 40 percent of his pay to her, that doesnt seem right does it? The guy cant afford a decent place to live while the women ends up doing alright for herself because either the child care ends up being paid by the guy, or her rent or whatever. The bad part is after all that, the guy cant even claim it on his taxes while the woman gets to claim the child care and the child as a dependent. Maybe if some tax credit was given to the man it wouldnt seem so bad. I dont know. There really is no way to be fair to the guy without sounding like a dick.

By: Leigh Rastivo

Leigh Rastivo — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 12:57:18 +0000

I’m very interested in the mother-father culture struggle. I talk a little bit about this in my post “Mother Father,” as I think fathers are a huge part of the equation, and many cultural assumptions undermine that.

But, consider that what you are battling here has a lot to do with biology. Physically having a baby is an enormous metabolic investment, and bodily authority is considered when courts talk about compelling a woman to give birth. What I mean is: the physical process of child bearing is not “fair.” The burden is 100% on the woman, and thus the decision making power falls to her too. I imagine that if a man could take on some of the ovulation, gestation and lactation — it would be a different discussion.

But biology is not destiny, and in a perfect world, couples make decisions, and fathers are not simply dismissed as sperm donors. Just because women are naturally more apt to be emotionally devastated, does not mean that fathers are indifferent or callous.

As for monetary support – fairness to the parent, mother or father, is never the court’s main objective. They are interested in the well-being of the child above all, and the poverty of children is detrimental to both the child and society. Once the child exists, the court doesn’t care whether Daddy or Mommy wanted them to exist. They’re here, and they must be fed. It becomes practical.

In both instances – the decision to have and the responsibility to support children – where the body goes, spirit and emotion follow. I agree with that the ramifications of what we do with our bodies should be seriously, seriously considered.

By: Alfredo Torres

Alfredo Torres — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 07:49:09 +0000

Thank you scott for your words. I understand how you feel. I have an ex-wife who has my two oldest children and lives in Washington State. This woman has made no effort to insure that my children remember that I am their father. It kills me, but what can I do. I see them when I can and try to call them at least weekly. I would love to just take them away from her, but that would devistate them. All I can say is that one day they will be old enough to understand what happened between their mother and myself and when they are, I think that she will suffer for it.

Your site is a very informative one that I enjoyed. I just had one problem, and that was navigating through it. Please email me so that we can continue this conversation.

By: scottdavene

scottdavene — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 01:43:56 +0000

Thank you for featuring this article. Fathers� right to be a meaningful part of their children�s lives, have been eroded to the point of non-existence. My research suggests that this is a phenomenon consistent throughout the industrialized nations. Children who are alienated from their fathers are more likely later in life to have emotional/behavioral problems, suffer from depression, drop out of school, fail in their jobs, and suffer from other social problems. Please visit my site devoted to raising awareness on this growing problem: http://fathersprivilege.blogspot.com/

By: Alfredo Torres

Alfredo Torres — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 22:57:49 +0000

Thank you for the kind comments. It really means something to me because I agree with you about publications like this one being extremely left leaning. To see comments like this not only proves that there is an audience for the right, but that the editors, Allison and Hannah, were correct in taking the chance they did when they asked me to be one of their bloggers, knowing my beliefs and my over-the-top style of blogging. Thank you again.
Torres

By: nsavides

nsavides — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 15:44:50 +0000

Good point.

I’m surprised but grateful that 24sevencities.com had enough foresight to include a more right-leaning thinker in the lineup. I’ve come to expect that publications with good info about events and venues in the city will be unabashedly and unconditionally far left. This time, I’m glad to be proven wrong.

By: Alfredo Torres

Alfredo Torres — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 07:20:49 +0000

Thank you Jen,
There are plenty of fathers who would love nothing better than to raise their children if given the chance. The sad fact is that while it takes two to create life, it only takes one to decide to destroy it. I understand that it’s the woman’s body and so on, but somehow I feel that the father should have some kind of say. Notice that I say the woman and not the mother. If she wants to terminate the life of an unborn child, she has no business being called a mother. For as much as woman complain that they are not treated equal, it is a father who is treated as nothing more than a wallet when it comes to his child.

Enjoy giving your daughter a bath and being a wonderful mother, I have a check to stroke.

By: Jen Stringer

Jen Stringer — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 00:37:27 +0000

While this is a valid side of the Roe V Wade controversy, something that seems to be totally unrepresented is the fact that some fathers would rather raise their child alone than have the mother abort it, and THEY don’t have a voice at all. Not just the grief or the after effects of loosing your child, but how can the mother have the ONLY choice in the life of the child when it took the actions of two in order to create it.

Right now I get to give my little girl a bath and enjoy parenthood, I will add more after bedtime!

Good post Torres!