A Father’s Rights or Lack There Of
Words Alfredo Torres
Monday, January 26th, 2009 at 12:08 pm
What’s up dudes,
It’s nearly 2 in the morning as I start this blog. I was getting ready to go to sleep when I read a very wonderful article on Fox News.com. The article was about Roe Vs Wade and the rights of the father, (The Fox Forum, Roe Vs Wade and The Rights of The Father, Tommy De Seno dated January 22nd 2009). In this article, the author Mr. De Seno, asks a very simple question. What rights do the fathers have of an aborted child? The answer as we all know is none.
Mr. De Seno makes a very compelling case. In his article he states how everyone should be concerned by this because of the lack of equal rights which are given to those men who have fathered these aborted children. He, very accurately describes how there are no studies on how abortion affects men, nor are they any types of support groups, counseling offered, nothing. The father, who might have been looking forward to raising his child is pretty much out of luck.
The opposing view is that if the man is not ready for fatherhood, he isn’t given the choice. In the courts decision, one of the arguments that had been made was that “…. a woman my not be mentally ready to handle a child at this stage in her life, or the child might interfere with her career path, and that is so important to her that the State has no right to make a law against it.”, Now in the issue of fairness, what of the father? Maybe he is not mentally ready to handle a child at this stage in his life, or how about the possibility that the child might interfere with his career path? Why is he being force to deal with the woman’s decision to have or not have a child? This doesn’t sound like equal rights to me.
This is something that has long bothered me. How can I be financial held responsible for a child that I didn’t want, but not be considered or even thought about in the termination of a child that I might want to raise. Mr. De Seno comes up with what I think could be a fair solution to the problem.
He proposes what he calls, “A Father’s Abortion”, in which if the father can petition the courts to do away with his responsibilities as a father, so that the father could continue his life, without the “mental challenges” that he might not have been ready for, or without the “career path interference” that little junior might cause. Of course if the father takes this option, he loses all rights in the upbringing of said child. He has no say in how that child is raised.
Now he doesn’t really cover what should or would happen if the woman goes ahead with the abortion. I think that maybe some sort of grief counseling should be offered through which either the health insurance of the woman or some kind of government backed fund should pay for. After all, there is post abortion counseling offered to the woman. Isn’t it right to make sure that the father is taken care of mentally also?
Now many of you might say that the father should “man up”, if the woman decides to keep the child. Is this equality? Didn’t both participants lay down? Didn’t both participants have the opportunity to abstain? Then shouldn’t both participants have the opportunity to continue to live their life without a child should the woman become pregnant? I think it would be fair. Might make people think a little more before they lay down with each other, then again, it might not. At least now you can say that there was at least some kind of consideration for the man, who as of right now has to take responsibility for a child he didn’t want, or wasn’t given the chance to become the father he wanted to be.
Later dudes,
The Silver Fox
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ABOUT THE WRITER
For over 7 years, Alfredo Torres helped spread joy, laughter and music over the local airwaves. Getting his start as a regular on the Mike and Bob show, he took his talents to his own, "Alfredo Torres Debacale," before moving on to 100.5 Max FM's Locals Lounges where he featured the most talented local rock bands in the Hampton Roads area. He went on to host a successful video blog for Port Folio Weekly and currently is featured on Bob's Boneyard, a podcast staring himself along with Bob Fresh and Manny Fresh formally of the Mike and Bob show and Torres vs Zombies, a zombie survival podcast. He has been there, done that and has the T-shirt to prove it, even if the T-shirt doesn't fit anymore. Widely respected for his quick wit, knowledge of music and zombies, and a passion for local artist, The Silver Fox doesn't follow the politically correct path.
Other posts by Alfredo Torres.
Other posts by Alfredo Torres.
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While this is a valid side of the Roe V Wade controversy, something that seems to be totally unrepresented is the fact that some fathers would rather raise their child alone than have the mother abort it, and THEY don’t have a voice at all. Not just the grief or the after effects of loosing your child, but how can the mother have the ONLY choice in the life of the child when it took the actions of two in order to create it.
Right now I get to give my little girl a bath and enjoy parenthood, I will add more after bedtime!
Good post Torres!
Thank you Jen,
There are plenty of fathers who would love nothing better than to raise their children if given the chance. The sad fact is that while it takes two to create life, it only takes one to decide to destroy it. I understand that it’s the woman’s body and so on, but somehow I feel that the father should have some kind of say. Notice that I say the woman and not the mother. If she wants to terminate the life of an unborn child, she has no business being called a mother. For as much as woman complain that they are not treated equal, it is a father who is treated as nothing more than a wallet when it comes to his child.
Enjoy giving your daughter a bath and being a wonderful mother, I have a check to stroke.
Good point.
I’m surprised but grateful that 24sevencities.com had enough foresight to include a more right-leaning thinker in the lineup. I’ve come to expect that publications with good info about events and venues in the city will be unabashedly and unconditionally far left. This time, I’m glad to be proven wrong.
Thank you for the kind comments. It really means something to me because I agree with you about publications like this one being extremely left leaning. To see comments like this not only proves that there is an audience for the right, but that the editors, Allison and Hannah, were correct in taking the chance they did when they asked me to be one of their bloggers, knowing my beliefs and my over-the-top style of blogging. Thank you again.
Torres
Thank you for featuring this article. Fathers’ right to be a meaningful part of their children’s lives, have been eroded to the point of non-existence. My research suggests that this is a phenomenon consistent throughout the industrialized nations. Children who are alienated from their fathers are more likely later in life to have emotional/behavioral problems, suffer from depression, drop out of school, fail in their jobs, and suffer from other social problems. Please visit my site devoted to raising awareness on this growing problem: http://fathersprivilege.blogspot.com/
Thank you scott for your words. I understand how you feel. I have an ex-wife who has my two oldest children and lives in Washington State. This woman has made no effort to insure that my children remember that I am their father. It kills me, but what can I do. I see them when I can and try to call them at least weekly. I would love to just take them away from her, but that would devistate them. All I can say is that one day they will be old enough to understand what happened between their mother and myself and when they are, I think that she will suffer for it.
Your site is a very informative one that I enjoyed. I just had one problem, and that was navigating through it. Please email me so that we can continue this conversation.
I’m very interested in the mother-father culture struggle. I talk a little bit about this in my post “Mother Father,” as I think fathers are a huge part of the equation, and many cultural assumptions undermine that.
But, consider that what you are battling here has a lot to do with biology. Physically having a baby is an enormous metabolic investment, and bodily authority is considered when courts talk about compelling a woman to give birth. What I mean is: the physical process of child bearing is not “fair.” The burden is 100% on the woman, and thus the decision making power falls to her too. I imagine that if a man could take on some of the ovulation, gestation and lactation — it would be a different discussion.
But biology is not destiny, and in a perfect world, couples make decisions, and fathers are not simply dismissed as sperm donors. Just because women are naturally more apt to be emotionally devastated, does not mean that fathers are indifferent or callous.
As for monetary support – fairness to the parent, mother or father, is never the court’s main objective. They are interested in the well-being of the child above all, and the poverty of children is detrimental to both the child and society. Once the child exists, the court doesn’t care whether Daddy or Mommy wanted them to exist. They’re here, and they must be fed. It becomes practical.
In both instances – the decision to have and the responsibility to support children – where the body goes, spirit and emotion follow. I agree with that the ramifications of what we do with our bodies should be seriously, seriously considered.
You make some interesting points. I understand why the decision making falls to the woman, I just dont think its fair. But life isnt fair so thats that. Somehow I feel that the men who want these children and are having them takin away is depriving them of the joy that is fatherhood.
One thing that I do have to say is that i you are going to state that the decision falls on the woman as to weither she wants the to terminate the pregnancy, then we have to call it what it is. It is the taking of a life, weither she wants to believe that or not. The father morns the death of his child when this happens. If he has no say in the loss of his child, then that woman should have to pay for the man’s pain and suffering in the form of some kind of counciling. I think that is only fair. You have to allow some kind of fairness to exist because otherwise what is there for the man? Nothing but losing a child you want and paying for a child that you dont want.
As far as the monetary aspect, if the woman can’t afford a child and the man wants no part, put the child up for adoption. If the mother can’t afford her child on her own, that makes her and unfit mother. The welfare of the child would be better served if the child was adopted. While this sounds crule, does it sound any worse than what is happening to the men? You put the men in positions where they can’t support themselves because of the cost of the child that they didnt want in the first place. When you end up having a woman making decent money while the man gives almost 40 percent of his pay to her, that doesnt seem right does it? The guy cant afford a decent place to live while the women ends up doing alright for herself because either the child care ends up being paid by the guy, or her rent or whatever. The bad part is after all that, the guy cant even claim it on his taxes while the woman gets to claim the child care and the child as a dependent. Maybe if some tax credit was given to the man it wouldnt seem so bad. I dont know. There really is no way to be fair to the guy without sounding like a dick.