What’s up dudes,

Life is funny.  I just had a wonderful weekend.  My time with my girlfriend was perfect.  I got to see a good friend of mine for his birthday.  I saw my alma mater win a game in the NCAA tourney and come close to winning a second one.  I picked up some extra hours at work.  A lot of really good positive things but something happened that made it really special.  I finally let go.

As I was driving home on Saturday night, a song from my youth came on the radio.  It was one that reminded me of my first ex-wife.  It was a song that was on the radio when we were going out back in Adlai E Stevenson High School in the Bronx.  It was a time when we couldn’t see our lives with anyone else.  We were going to be together forever.  You know how young love is.  Untainted by reality, and experience, and life. 

Well, life happens.  We both went to college, moved to Florida and eventually got married.  I joined the Navy, we moved to Norfolk, Va. and eventually got divorced.  There is no need to go into any deep explanation about why it failed, it just did and this let me to have a deep resentment toward her.  Better make that a hatred for her. 

Well fast forward some 14 years since we get divorced.  I get married and divorced again.  I start thinking about the past.  I start thinking about being a peace with myself and my life.  I look her up and email her to call me.  She of course gives me an attitude in her reply.  She doesn’t want to talk to me, has nothing to say to me.  After what she did to me, who the hell was she to give me crap when she did me wrong and I wanted to forgiver her.  This brought back all the old feelings and the hatred that I had for her.  I just wanted to be at peace with this part of my life.

What does this have to do with that song I heard on Saturday?  Well when I heard that song, I started to think of her, and you know what?  For the first time in 16 years, I didn’t think anything bad about her.  I thought about the good times, thought about the fun we had.  I though about what she is doing now and how I hope that she is happy.  But I didn’t think about how she wronged me, or ruined my life.  I just thought about the good parts.  The funny thing was that the longer I thought about her, the more that I though bad memories would could the flood my mind and sour the good feeling that I was having. It never happened.

What made it even better was that Sunday night, I ended up getting a friend request from her little sister.  This was a girl that I knew when she was seven years old and became like a sister to me, a member of my family who my ex-wife took away from me when our marriage ended.  The best part for me was that, thanks to facebook, she was able to find me.

It feels good to be able to finally be at peace with this.  The hatred that I carried for so long did nothing for me.  Now I only have to let go of the baggage my second wife left we me.  It never ends, but when it does, it feels sooooooo good.

The Silver Fox