When my other single girlfriends (who are becoming rarer by the minute) and I talk about men, we sometimes try and describe our “perfect” mate.

Come on, you know you’ve done it, too. The four basic food groups on my list are: driven, outgoing, confident, and kind.

Excuse me, sir, are you a vegetarian? (Photo | David Gaya)

Notice something?

Yes, I, AltDaily’s resident vegan, left “vegetarian or vegan” off my big list. Many of my fellow activists might strongly disagree with that concept, and one of the most common questions I’m asked by my non-veg friends is, “would you ever be in a serious relationship with someone who ate meat?”

Would it be more convenient to date a vegan? Of course.

Is it preferable? Absolutely.

But is it a deal breaker? Not to me. In fact, the only men I’ve ever dated seriously have been meat eaters (though, obviously, that didn’t work out so well). Let me break down the internal debate that I go through when considering this whole notion.

Dating Meat Eaters: Cons

The biggest and most obvious con to dating a meat eater is that there is always an elephant in the room. Most vegans choose their diet because of their strong ethical beliefs and their cruelty-free lifestyle. It represents a lot more than food choices. By loving and supporting your meat-eating partner, isn’t part of you saying that eating meat is acceptable? If you live together, does this mean it is okay to have meat in your freezer at home? Is your partner allowed to ask you to pick him up a burger on the way home from work?

The meat-eaters I’ve dated in my past were educated on why I was vegetarian or vegan, but still felt strongly about eating meat. At the time, I would think it wasn’t my business to convert them; they’re adults and can make their own choices… but as an animal rights activist, I spend every day working on ways to convert people to a cruelty-free lifestyle and to spare animals from being tortured and slaughtered.If this is my career, my life, how can I let that fall by the wayside in my personal relationship?

Dating Meat Eaters: Pros

While Goran might be perfect, he might not be an option.

Coming from a Cajun family who eats red meat for nearly every meal, and loving the bejesus out of them unconditionally, I think I have a unique perspective. My lifestyle and career may focus around my veganism, but I’ve never known any love stronger than I have with my family. On the other side of that, I’ve only ever had my heart broken by meat-eaters, too. My point is, though, that I think as long as your meat-eating partner greatly respects your passion, even if they don’t share it, then it can work.

For example, my dad believes strongly in the pro-life movement, and it doesn’t get any more pro-choice than me. In college, I worked at the local Planned Parenthood clinic and did a lot of pro-choice outreach. But I adore my dad and look up to him for the man he is, not for his politics. He supported my job and was proud of me for standing up for what I believed in, even though it was painfully opposite of his morals, and you have to respect that. I also find that living in a family that is so different than me helps me remember that there is life outside of my vegan bubble and there’s a whole world of people who you can connect with.

Don’t get me wrong, I love my vegan bubble, and wouldn’t trade my cruelty-free bliss for anything. I enjoy being surrounded by likeminded people, having restaurants cater to my every need, and being able to discuss my morals and be met with “I totally understand.” There’s a bond between vegans that is sacred. Meeting another vegan, you already know you have something giant and beautiful in common, but it takes a lot more than that to genuinely love somebody. And when it comes to down to it, I don’t think relationships are something that need to be forced into the bubble to be successful.

Now, this doesn’t mean I’m not hoping for a vegan cardiologist with perfect teeth to knock on my door tomorrow, but more than anything, it means that I’m open to love … in whatever form. And that’s a pretty damn good feeling.