Doubt is conquered by faith, just as it is faith which has brought doubt into the world.  –Soren Kierkegaard

Decades of research, thinking, writing, and questioning led me to conclude consumerism and popular culture are to blame for many of society’s ills. This opinion is the byproduct of hipster elitism and is invalid because everything I know is wrong. Our failing education sector, obesity epidemic, addiction to prescription pills, incivility, and inability to make political progress cannot be blamed on Snooki or Tebow or Waka Flocka Flame.

This morning I listened to Perico Sambeat’s Friendship, which features influential jazz pianist Brad Mehldau. I received no greater amount of philosophy, truth, poetry, or insight into the secrets of the universe from this album than from Drake’s Thank Me Later.

Coercive advertising messages that play upon emotions, religious inclinations, and sexual desires, which leave many Americans feeling empty with the bogus promises of shiny gadgets, are not hidden in layer upon layer of commercial culture.

Pic | Tiki Chris

Everything I know is wrong. DJs are musicians. Dubstep is music. Skrillex is a genius. Guitar Hero is the same as guitar.

Bud Light is the best selling beer in the world because it is the best made beer in the world.

Stephenie Meyer is the most talented American writer since Nathaniel Hawthorne. Joseph Heller, Thomas Pynchon, and Philip K. Dick are not literary masters like John Grisham, James Patterson, and Nora Roberts.

Sarah Palin is the most influential political philosopher of the past 100 years. By following her on Facebook and clicking “like” on everything she posts, I will learn more about conservatism than by listening to lectures by Leo Strauss. All opinions are valid, and it is not necessary to study to gain knowledge. Whoever shouts the loudest and the longest possesses the most truth.

Everything I know is wrong. Jesus Christ is the son of the only God. Other religions are creations of Satan. Pat Robertson is not a demagogue nor a swindler nor a huckster. Atheism is a devious scam devised by liberals to lead God’s people away from the truth and towards depravity and carnality. Homosexuals are sinners suffering from an anti-social disease. Through Christ they can be cured.

Ronald Reagan did not raise taxes on capital gains. Corporations always have the republic’s best interests in mind. Barack Obama’s real name is Barry Soetoro, and he is a Muslim from Indonesia. Scientology was not invented by a science fiction writer. Going to Star Trek conventions will cause beautiful women to have sex with you.

Smartphones makes you smarter.

McDonald’s is good for you.

And true love will not find you in the end.

*The preceding was based on an assignment I give at Thomas Nelson Community College. The students are asked to name five things they believe are true–five noble truths about life, the universe, and everything. They are not warned they will write “Everything I know is wrong,” then set out to disprove their world view. Doubt is thought.

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