In addition to blogging, I perform stand-up comedy. You’d know this if you read my bio on the right. To those of you who have: thanks, let’s laugh at the people who haven’t yet. Stand-up comedy is a medium in which the performer can connect with an audience in a way that does not occur with any other medium. There is no pretense of a setting or plot, merely, the performer, through monologue alone, paints a picture with ups, downs and laughs. While on stage, and a joke hits, the feeling of a crowd’s laughs hitting you can literally be felt; and it is a feeling without peer. Unfortunately, I also hate a lot about stand up comedy and other stand up comics.

1. I hate your “whacky” zany head shot. To me, the harder you try to look funny in your head shot, the more of an insecure putz you look like.

2. Don’t give me advice at an open mic night. If you’re still coming out to open mic nights and not working as a professional comedian, don’t give me advice like you are.

3. Unless you know me, don’t give me advice in general. I’m sure that whole long tiring joke about a fly in a pond and a cat falling in is hilarious after I waste 4 minutes setting it up, but no thanks. Fellow comedian/blogger/performer/wit about town/public relations guru Ty Bliss agrees with me on this, pointing out that if your advice is going to get me as far as it’s gotten you, stay the hell away.

4. I hate audience members who see a small show, and think that because of a low crowd size, I am any less talented and say to me “well, everyone’s gotta start somewhere.” I hear the sky is also blue. Don’t judge me on the public relations work that didn’t get people to come out to the show, judge me on whether or not you think I’m funny.

5. Comedy gets no respect. Almost any talented actor can make an audience cry, but it is not easy to make an audience laugh. People like Jim Carrey feel the need to do “serious” movies rather than do what they’re best at, because there’s no recognition for it.

6. There is never enough stage time. Ever. Even if I’ve run out of things to say, I still want to be on stage.

7. Though some say stand-up comedy in its finest form is like a dialogue between audience and comic, really, the comic doesn’t want to hear a word you have to say. Each joke is carefully planned, and the minute you say something I have to reply to, it throws me off my game. Now, professionals handle this better than I do, but even they loathe it. Instead of heckling, try this: take a sip from your glass, then smash it and stab yourself in the face with the shards. Lord knows it’ll make me happier. Also, if you’d like the glass to be filled with hot coffee before hand, feel free.

8. Though I understand that they are businesses and meant to flourish as such, it really sucks to get your foot in the door with comedy club owners/bosses/bookers. To develop, you have to host shows for comedy clubs forever (no colorful language, more informative than entertainment, i.e. “turn off all cell phones and pagers, try the veal), and then if you’re lucky, you can do a set as a featuring act, where you can curse and do colorful language. Then after a few months/years of all that, you can start calling comedy clubs and bookers all over the east coast, trying to get booked to do a weekend in West Virginia for 12 people and get paid as much as you spent for gas going up there. At the same time, there are 23 other less talented comics trying to do the same thing as you.

-Brendan Kennedy can be seen performing all around the Hampton Roads area making the best of things.