Mira Dearest,

I am 36 years old and have never been hit on. In a way I think it is great, but then again it might be sort of pathetic. I think I put off some scary vibe where folks just stay away from me. I mean I use deodorant and bathe. I do not look like a homeless person, but that is not saying much because nowadays you can’t tell one from another…I digress… I do not dress dowdy or slutty. I go to different places and I always fly solo, so it would be rather easy to approach me. I just wonder what it is? I know this is really not a Hot Mess problem, but I figured I would just stir up the pot.

Thank you,

B17

Dearest B17,

Darling, I don’t know you from Gina, but I’m guessing (and hoping) that you aren’t a totally brainless psychopath. That said, let’s give you the benefit of the doubt and for the moment make the assumption that there is nothing wrong with you. In fact, while I encourage you to continue with the showering, the deodorizing and the rest of it, I don’t encourage you to spend too much of your time worrying about why Mr. Wannabe B17 has or hasn’t been sending you drinks from across a crowded room.

Just because you're sitting there doesn't mean he's gonna hop on the swing.

In my opinion, your not being chased down has less to do with who you are and more to do with what you’re doing. You haven’t been getting hit on because you haven’t really put yourself out there. For the record, sitting by yourself in public does NOT in any way qualify as setting yourself up for mating/dating success.

It is true that some men and women have a seemingly magical way of attracting attention and being courted without even trying. It’s as if it’s in their blood.  Comfortable with attention and not shy of stares or glances, they seem to be putting out silent mating calls with each shrug of their shoulders. These are the people who seem never to have to try and I understand, it could make a girl/guy wonder: WTF is wrong with me? Why the hell aren’t all those shorties swinging my way?

What makes those social butterflies so easy to approach has less to do with their looks or their dress and more to do with the fact that they are at home and in their element around other people. Extroverted and enlivened by company and conversation, attention is what they’re good at. This is important for you to know because all of us, when in our element, become instantly more open, accessible, interesting and highly appealing. When we’re doing what we love and loving what we do, we get all kinds of colorful and all kinds of noticeable.

Dating can be scary and confusing. We think if we follow the same scripts written by the usual and obvious players that we will, in fact, be successful. But alas, that’s not the deal. If you want to be reached, you’ve got to get yourself out there and do things that bring out the very best in you. Ask yourself what you love to do and what social or interactive activities get you pumped, inspired and jazzed on life. If you truly want to get your meet on, go out and do those things, get involved in those activities and breathe some hella attractive light into your life. Believe me, it will look so good on you that Mr. Maybe B17 will notice. I promise.

It’s pretty simple, B Money:  Happy attracts happy.  Go get your happy on, go get your groove back. Cross my heart, the rest? Will follow.

Happy onions stick together.

Make it happen,

Mira Dearest

***Have a janky situation sucking the life out of you? Need some attention to your nagging neuroses? Bumming out on a douchey boyfriend/girlfriend or wondering why you’ve begun growing hair over there (or why not, for that matter)? Send your hot mess probs to Mira Dearest at mira@altdaily.com.