Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Insane Cartoon Bears
Words Jesse Scaccia
Wednesday, February 17th, 2010 at 6:39 pm
When someone asks a question with a self-evident answer, one of the more ornery ways to respond is: Does the Bear shit in the woods?
For example:
Person: Did the Bachelor make a misguided and regrettable decision on this week’s episode?
Smartass: Does the Bear shit in the woods?
Another variation on this is to respond, Is the Pope Catholic?
(My family’s favorite response is a marriage between the two: Is the Bear Catholic? (Or, Does the Pope shit in the woods?))
I’ve recently encountered two videos of bears that answer both Bear-related questions. First of all, I can tell you, that Bear knows no God. He is not Catholic, Jewish, Pagan or Other. He is on this earth to do four things: get lap dances from alien creatures, drink Orangina, to blow up the earth, and, above all, to play college hockey.
And as far as where the Bear shits, I will tell you this, my friend: That Bear shits where he God damn wants.
Enough prelude. I now present to you two totally insane, awesome, surely peyote inspired, glorious videos some complete lunatics made to promote a college hockey team and a soft drink. Both star the modern Telchine, the Bear.
Alaska Nanooks 2010 Hockey Intro from Szymon Weglarski on Vimeo.
And some soft drink soft core:
Here is a blurry photograph of the Bear idol they worship to in Alaska:
Thank you to my brilliant and talented friends Ryan Hoercher and Elizabeth Virginia Levesque for bringing the Bear into my life.
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ABOUT THE WRITER
Jesse is the editor in chief of AltDaily, and he's going to take this bio seriously, but not so seriously that he's going to continue in the third person. I've been involved with a bunch of local projects and civic groups in various roles, including: Hampton Roads, The Canvas; Art | Everywhere, Street Performance in Norfolk; Survive Norfolk; Hampton Roads Pride/Out in the Park; Bike Norfolk; re:Vision Norfolk, and such.
I originally came to Norfolk as a Perry Morgan fellow in ODU's creative writing program. Before that I bummed around quite a bit, writing stacks of books that never got published, hitchhiking, couchsurfing, riding the Greyhound up down and back across this country. Some of my favorite jobs and volunteer gigs have included working on organic farms in Ireland; being first mate on an old sail boat in Holland; working at a long-term home for young men in South Africa; being a journalist and high school teacher in New York and California; washing dishes in Yosemite National Park; teaching English in DC and swimming in Florida; and interning at ESPN in Bristol, which was much less cool that you'd want it to be. My career highlights have been having three of my op-eds run in the New York Times, and being the executive producer of a six-part docu-drama on BET. Because school is cool I have three master's degrees (ODU for MFA, NYU for magazine journalism, University of Connecticut for secondary English education). I live in Norfolk because I believe in its potential. Email your ideas or nicely couched criticism to jesse@altdaily.com.
Other posts by Jesse Scaccia.
Other posts by Jesse Scaccia.
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Can you say complete Schlock. Thanks Jesse
How dare you hate on the Bear, Bob Acorn.
That Orangina commercial is the most insane piece of work I’ve seen all day. I appreesh!
Nice to see Hoercher got some credit, dude earned it. All hail Bear. All hail AltDaily for the classy Bear update.
You won’t be laughing so hard when the Insane Bear Posse comes and torches YOUR cruise ship.
I did and I dared Jesse