In his latest installment of “Reinventing Norfolk,” Jerome Spencer blames the holier-than-thou-tattoo’ed-hipster-elite of Cogan’s Pizza (and its Megatouch) for him sending a bad drunk text.

Go on, get your post-holidays groove on. And, lucky for you, there are plenty of opportunities to do just that this week and start 2011 off right.

Oh, Norfolk, how I love to watch you dance.

Virgnia Beach’s K Scott reps VA to the fullest. Just listen to the amazing “Central VA” – her love song about coming up in Farmville – and just try to fight the urge to throw two up, two down.

Even on his busy schedule reppin’ the greatest rap crew of all time, Cappadonna will be performing at Norfolk’s own 37th and Zen this Friday, September 24th. That’s right, I didn’t say The NorVa, I said 37th and Zen.

Let’s do it for local hip hop, regional pride and the Department of Motor Vehicles.

As misunderstood as it is, real hip hop music is love. And a real hip hop show is a family reunion with people you’ve never met.

“It’s like selling your record player,” I heard the kid behind me tell his friend, “for a day’s work.”

I was really feeling the love in that place… sometimes a little too much. (Husky Bearded Guy and Red Dress Girl: Get a room).

This is, without any hyperbole and/or journalistic exaggeration, a truly impressive roster not to be missed. (Pictured here, one of the performing bands, indie darlings Ra Ra Riot.)

If you were to Google “Jedi Mind Tricks” right now you would get three results (not including videos) having to do with the rap trio of the same name before you got to anything about “The Force” from Star Wars.

Those of you who caught Ben Taylor and Julie Clark at The Naro last night are no doubt aware of The Sea Level Singer/Songwriter Festival popping off in Ghent as we speak.

I won’t call them punk-country or “cowpunk” because both of those terms are stupid and conjure images of bands that just suck. Let’s just call it Lucero.

Jerome seeks out the magic of sports at an Admirals game.

“My bucket of fries is now a bucket of loneliness.” Day One of The Old Adventures of New Jerome takes him back to Velvet, where the hip-hop and french fries haven’t changed…but maybe his heart will.

Longtime 24SevenCities contributor Jerome Spencer confronts the ghosts of this town as he gets over a girl.

Now, this album would need to be brilliant to bring me back around to the O-Rod school of thought and I have been officially re-converted. Nothing in this guys back catalog even remotely compares to the depth and genius of Old Money.

The band is technically amazing, each member doing his part and working perfectly with one another to create efficient melodies, powerful chords and some great songs. That technical prowess and potential is what made it even worse for me when that singer opened his mouth and sounded like Adam Sandler doing “Lunch Lady Land.”

I’m not sure if Marnie Stern’s unfortunately titled album is unexpectedly frantic or unexpectedly harmonious.

There’s a time and a place for everything and Slow Burning Lights is sure to help you wind the party down, but it’s also sure drive you into a coma with its pulsing and far too steady beats laced with uninspired vocals.

Over a decade in the music biz, and The Sea and Cake haven’t done much to alter their frequently brilliant and influential sound.

Frusciante’s solo works have always been an inspired departure from his main gig as a Red Hot Chili Pepper and they’ve always managed to expand his mopey sound a little further with each venture.

Deerhoof has always been a really weird band and Offend Maggie doesn’t shy away from the bizarre noise freak-outs associated with the band’s unique repertoire. Nor does it stray from the bold shiny pop that has always contrasted the more inspired jam sessions.

We don’t claim to be music experts—music is far too objective and vast to ever claim total understanding—we only claim to be music lovers. Obsessive compulsive music lovers who spend too much time over-analyzing and dissecting music so that you don’t have to. All you have to do is sit back and enjoy the tunes.

But Moutheater is more than just primal intensity and volume or I wouldn’t be pecking away at this keyboard for their sake. Moutheater is also a diligent and determined band with a work ethic to match their sound – fast and forceful. The local trio of Andrew Aircraft (guitars, vocals), Tim Gault (drums) and Aaron Fishaw (bass, backing vocals) haven’t been together quite two years yet and they’ve already debuted the Lot Lizard 7-inch with the legendary Steve Albini at the helm, inked a deal with Nashville-based Thrashed Records, released an insanely popular split 7-inch with German band Vegas and have amassed lots and lots of touring under they’re undoubtedly studded belts. Their full length, Ornament, is slated for a May 2009 release and an American tour is sure to follow.

Don’t worry;
I don’t intend to make this magazine a soapbox for me to espouse some ideological rant about how only you can support your local music scene. I’m the first one to admit that The Seven Cities have no music “scene” in the traditional sense. But that’s a good thing.

Who the hell is Moutheater? And why is everyone I know talking about them like they’ve invented an environmentally sound energy alternative and restored America’s economy? They are just a band, right?